Someone fainted at the beginning of the film. ‘Please someone help me,’ I heard a woman scream, while four people stood up in response. ‘No,’ she replied when someone asked if they should call an ambulance. The conversation ended after the fainted man was able walk towards the back exit. 

‘Some sugar might help and 15 minutes of rest,’ Someone mentioned to the no-longer-fainted man. Still going to see The Substance after watching the trailer? Take a sugar treat with you. A crunchy bite would help release the tension. 

Break a leg. They are going to love you, Elisabeth Sparkle reads from a card tucked into a bouquet of red roses. Demi Moore’s new film is a sincere, visceral (quite literally), and explosive monologue about self-love. It explores the lengths one dares to go to win others’ attention, love, and praise. Ultimately, it’s all about love.

The pursuit of perfection inevitably leads to self-destruction. Reads the caption on the @voguemagazine Instagram.

Boom! An explosion occurs in one of the scenes, and everyone laughed. It was unexpected. The film paradoxically serves as an outlet to escape reality. The audience connects with its absurdity, satire, and simplicity. Its repetitive scenes resemble social media content, evoking familiarity and delivering a sharp commentary on body image, beauty standards, and the creative film industry.

The Substance captures, in 2 hours and 20 minutes, the internal dialogue people have after looking at themselves in the mirror. “Should I brush my hair to the left? I need a night cream with retinol. I really need a haircut. Another spot—great.”

The Substance is showing in UK cinemas.